


grow as we go

by sugarflower



Category: The Society (TV 2019)
Genre: AU - Everything is Normal, M/M, The Society
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-16
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2020-03-06 03:17:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18842521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugarflower/pseuds/sugarflower
Summary: An AU in which West Ham stayed exactly the same, everyone graduated on time, they went off to their college of choice and Grizz makes good on his promise. He's getting out, and he's not talking to anyone from West Ham once he's gone.But then there's Sam.





	1. ebb & flow

**Author's Note:**

> the grizz/sam tag didn't have enough love, so i thought i would add my little contribution. be gentle.

there’s a storm passing over west ham. rain drops hitting the window of harry’s house somehow manage to penetrate the loud noise of the bullshit party grizz is sitting through. he knows, he knows, that he should be having fun. he should be getting drunk and dancing like an idiot to some song he’d never listen to outside of this night. it’s his own goodbye party, and yet he’s almost sulking at the edge of some room. he thinks it might have, at one point in the night, been the living room. 

the couches were pushed somewhere else, outside maybe? he doesn’t really remember. they were moved away to make room for the awkward dancing and grinding of fresh out of high school graduates, hell bent on the euphoria of feeling like the world was their oyster. 

but grizz can’t enjoy it. not really. he’s saying goodbye to his friends, and he knows that he’s probably never going to speak to them again. partly by choice, but also because he’s afraid. they never knew him, not really. they knew what bits and pieces he showed them, but how could they really know him if they didn’t know one of the biggest parts of his identity? 

it was easy pretending to be straight. all he had to do was play football and call a girl cute, and that was it. sure, he’d had a few girlfriends spread out through the years. but nothing serious, nothing with commitment. just small flings to try and convince himself that maybe he was wrong. maybe he could force himself to be someone else. but, that’s not what he really wanted. he was just afraid. 

he heard how the boys -- his closest friends -- talked about gay people, about gay men. he heard the malice in their voice, whether it was something they truly believed or not. that’s when he made his mind, that he wouldn’t come out until college and by that time he definitely wouldn’t be speaking to any of them. and it sucked. because he loved them, they were his friends, his family. but how could he be sure that they would accept this part of him? he couldn’t. and he’d rather push them away than give them the chance to cut him off. 

by now, the beer he’d been nursing since he got there was definitely warm and wanting to get at least somewhat drunk was his only motivation for pushing himself off the wall he’d been leaning against to bob and weave through plastered former classmates to make it to the kitchen. 

and that’s when he saw him. sam elliott. they were never close, they didn’t really talk. but grizz heard the rumors. the what if’s. the almost confirmation that he was gay. he’d never actually come out of the closet, but for west ham speculation was usually enough to label someone anything. 

to be perfectly honest, grizz has had a crush on him since the seventh grade. based purely on how cute he is alone. his freckles, his smile, his dumb hair. instead of bitter discontent for the life he knew he was actually kind of sad that he had to say goodbye to that. 

he sighed, a miniscule sigh, turning his back to sam and grabbing a cold beer from the fridge. ten more minutes, and he’d make his exit. that was his compromise to himself. 

“hey.”

grizz turned, surprise almost dancing across his face as the voice he already recognized and knew spoke to him. 

“this is your going away party, right?” sam made a gesture to the entirety of the house. to the drunk teens supposedly drinking in grizz’s honor. 

“yeah. yeah, it was supposed to be.” he takes a sip, no a gulp, of the new beer in his hand, “but really, i just think it’s an excuse for them to get drunk.” 

sam nods, as if he understands. as if he can see the unsettling weight on grizz’s chest. 

“is that why you look so miserable?” 

he smiles and for grizz, it lights up the whole room. for the most part, he thought he was over his schoolboy crush but i guess it was out in full force tonight because that one smile suddenly put him a little more at ease. 

“what are you talking about, i’m having the time of my life.” the sarcasm is paired with a genuine smile, a grin. he doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing. is he flirting? is that’s what’s happening? because honestly grizz feels like his heart might beat out of his chest. he’s nervous and calm all at once, heart racing and yet he doesn’t want to be anywhere else but right here in this kitchen. 

sam opens his mouth to say something but is quickly cut off by the loud yelling of jason as he throws his arm around grizz’s shoulder, “where the fuck have you been, you’re missing all the fun!” he’s drunk, grizz can smell the alcohol on his breath and he does nothing but try to say sorry to sam with his eyes, with a small wince at the unwanted touch. 

“i was just getting a new beer, there’s still time for me to drink you under the table, don’t worry.” his smile is fake, the teasing tone in his voice is fake, but a part of him wishes he would drink him under the table like they were at any other stupid party. 

when jason finally takes that as an acceptable answer and dives back into the rest of the party sam is gone. and grizz is alone. 

this party fucking sucks.


	2. things change so often

three months. that’s how long it’d been since grizz packed up his entire life and moved as far away as possible to go to college. three months since his going away party. three months since he’d seen sam. but he doesn’t think about that much anymore, not really. just in fleeting thoughts and moments, when he gets really lonely. when the homesickness kicks in. 

but mostly? it was kind of a relief. being here, being so far away. he came out publicly, on facebook. which sounds dumb, but it was the easiest way for him to do it and honestly he figured something impersonal would be best. he didn’t really want anyone to reach out. it was easier to distance himself that way. 

altogether, it was pretty anticlimactic. but that was kind of a relief too. he made his big declaration and then life carried on. he got out of bed, he went to class, he came home to his dorm and his world hadn’t ended. it was a nice reminder that in the grand scheme of things, he was just a blip passing through. a microscopic spec among billions of others. 

and he could say it now, out loud.  _ i’m gay _ . it wasn’t something he feared anymore. it was just a part of him, a descriptor to put in his tinder bio (although it’s not like he ever uses it). 

all in all, he was doing okay. he was happy. almost. 

today was just like any other. he woke up around 7am, said a big fuck you to himself in the mirror for taking morning classes, stumbled through campus to grab a bagel from the cafeteria before barely making it to his first class of the day on time.  

in the interim between classes he usually preferred to spend his hour of free time with a little bit of bud and some peace and quiet. but for some reason instead he found himself gravitating towards a small coffee shop just off campus. 

maybe he just wanted a change of scenery, something new to mix things up a little bit. he’d probably been smoking too much weed lately anyway. it was nice to get out of his already perfected bubble. honestly? he missed his friends. he missed having friends. although, it’s not like he’d made too much effort to get new ones. 

having a break in his routine is what he needed. even if his break is only a few minutes from campus, even if it’s only reading a book with an iced coffee while he sits in unfamiliar surroundings. 

the weather is nice. that’s what he’s thinking as he looks out the window, sipping on cold brew like it’ll somehow make up for his travesty of a sleep schedule. he’s so trained on watching the clouds pass in the sky that he doesn’t even notice the person sitting across from him. 

“i hope this seat wasn’t taken.” the familiar voice snaps grizz out of his own thoughts, pulling him back to the harsh edges of reality. he’s got to be mistaken. 

but his ears didn’t forsake him, no, across from him was sitting sam elliot himself. his secret childhood crush. the only boy he wished he’d stayed in contact with. somehow he’s got even  _ more _ freckles. 

“holy shit. sam? what are you doing here?” he’s surprised, that much you can tell in his tone. but it’s also apparent in his facial expression. a mix of excitement and incredulous. his heart beat is starting to pick up pace, and boy is this feeling familiar. 

sam is trying to hide the smile begging to stretch across his lips, “i go to school at USC. this is my favorite place to get coffee, what’s your excuse?” he’s doing it again, teasing with a gentle tone and the ghost of a smile. 

it almost feels like they’re picking up exactly where they left off. 

grizz doesn’t even know what to think. he’s wracking his mind trying to find some explanation for this. they go to the same  _ school _ . he moved as far away as he possibly could and yet sam is sitting here, across from him. a permanent reminder of home, but also a permanent reminder of the good grizz left behind. 

“what are the fucking odds.” grizz is grinning now, not even trying to hide it because he knows there’s no real point. he’d just end up with that same goofy smile on his face anyway. “i go to USC too, holy shit.”  _ holy shit holy shit holy shit.  _

grizz is a firm believer in the thought that you create your own destiny, that the idea and concept of something being fate is dumb and played out, but sam is here. in front of him. and grizz doesn’t have any explanation for it. 

“you look good.” there the smile is as sam gestures towards grizz and does a quick once over, looking at him like he really sees him. “you look happier than the last time i saw you.”

grizz is happier. right now, for instance, he feels like his heart is soaring. but just in general, he’s happier. he’s academically challenged, he’s living on his own and he’s got no pressure to seem a certain way. to appear to be something he’s not. he wasn’t lying, not intentionally, but he let people believe something and didn’t challenge their belief. so yeah, he’s happier. and he thinks he might be flirting with a cute boy he’s had a crush on since he was 12. 

“yeah. yeah,” he pauses. shit. why isn’t he talking? he sounds stupid, at a loss for words. holy shit grizz,  _ say _ something. “you do too. i mean, you look good too.”

sam laughs, and it’s warm and inviting. grizz takes a sip of his iced coffee and can’t help but smile with him. he’s got one of those smiles, the kind that’s infectious. 

he signs thank you, and it’s probably one of the only signs that grizz knows and he’s hit with something. guilt, maybe? at the fact that sam had to learn and adapt to communicate with everyone else, that they didn’t learn to communicate with him. it’s not like they were friends, exactly, but grizz has known him since they were kids and he doesn’t even know conversational sign language. 

there’s a lull in the conversation, a quiet silence between them and grizz braces himself for the chance he’s about to take. “uh, we should hang out sometime. we never really got to in high school.”  he puts it out there, running a hand through his hair just to give himself something to do. “i mean, if you want to.” 

the smile resurfaces on sams face and he nods, “i’d like that.” he reaches across the table and steals a sip of grizz’s coffee, pretending like they’ve been doing it forever. doing this -- having coffee and teasing each other with playful banter -- forever. grizz pretends to look shocked, like someone has just wounded him and it’s over the top and sam  _ laughs _ again and grizz wants to keep hearing that laugh. 

he’s about to say something, probably stupid but the loud ding of his phone distracts him and his eyes drift over to the lit up screen and that’s when he notices that he has class in exactly 10 minutes. 

“shit, i have class. um, do you have my number?” he’s clamoring to grab his bag, his book, but pointedly leaves his coffee in sam’s hand and waits for sam as he offers up his unlocked phone for grizz to create his own contact. 

for a second he contemplates whether or not he should do something cute but instead he opts for his name with a cactus emoji next to it and hands it back before doing a half walk-half sprint out the door. before he’s fully gone he calls back “text me” before he realizes that sam can’t hear him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had absolutely nothing to do today so i ended up accidentally finishing the second chapter ha ha whoops. i want to quickly let everyone know that i love and appreciate all the support!!!


	3. the gravity between us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok im gonna be honest i dont know how i feel about this one, i'm sleep deprived and too tired to edit right now but i hope you enjoy it anyway!

every time his phone pings grizz stumbles over himself to check the notification as quickly as he possibly can. every time it’s just some dumb notification from an email he’s never going to read, or twitter updating him on some news he doesn’t give a shit about. it’s been six hours since he gave sam his number. he never really considered himself an impatient man, he’s actually pretty patient when he thinks about it but for some reason the fact that sam hasn’t texted him yet is going to drive him insane.

he’s been trying to distract himself in every conceivable way possible. he came home, he pretended to study and when that didn’t work he resorted to stress cleaning. unfortunately, his dorm room isn’t that big. right now he was watching some show on netflix, with one eye trying to stare a hole through the back of his phone case. if you asked him he really couldn’t tell you anything that had happened in the show thus far.

sam is probably just busy, or maybe he lost track of time. maybe he has a job. grizz thinks he’d look cute in a uniform. then he spends a few minutes daydreaming about sam in a uniform.

god, this sucks. who let grizz have a crush, anyway? he spent his entire high school career trying to avoid this situation, and now here he was thinking about a boy and trying to navigate how to flirt without being the most obvious man on earth. it wasn’t a good look for him.

at the exact moment that he’s about to say fuck this and toss his phone to the foot of the bed where he can no longer just stare at the screen it vibrates. he doesn’t even want to look at it. partly because he’s not ready to get his hopes up again, but also because he doesn’t even know what the fuck he’s going to say if it is him.

tentatively, he flips it over and when he sees an unknown number on his screen he has to fight the urge to throw it across the room.

 

**do u want to get coffee next week?**

 

he feels like his heart is going to beat right out of his chest. is he suppose to play it cool? no, that’s stupid. it’s not like it’s actually worked for anyone else, barring romantic comedies. his phone buzzes again.

 

**this is sam**

 

as if it could be anyone else. as if grizz even texts anyone else. besides occasionally replying to allie when she refuses to take his silence as an answer. he takes a deep breath, braces himself, and starts to reply.

 

_that sounds nice_

 

he debates with himself for a solid five minutes about whether or not he should add the smiling blushing emoji - you know the one, but opts out for no emoji at all. it feels like too much. or maybe he’s just overthinking this. he’s probably overthinking this. but he doesn’t want to mess it up. he likes sam, he’s liked sam for as long as he can remember and he’s always kept himself at a distance because he was afraid of what would happen if he let himself genuinely like a boy.

but now here he is, miles away from home with nothing keeping him from just fucking going for it and he’s so terrified that he’s going to fuck it up. his entire life he hasn’t let himself _want something_ and now he does, and that’s fucking scary.

* * *

 days tend to blend together easily when you have a rigid schedule. grizz has everything mapped out. his class schedule, when he eats, he’s got time set aside for studying in the library and up until this past week everything has always just sort of flowed seamlessly and quickly. but suddenly he was finding himself making time to study ASL periodically throughout the day.

in his head it was going to work perfectly. he’d impress sam with his sign language, and it’d be a good ice breaker. but also, he just wanted to be able to talk to sam. to really have a conversation with him, because no matter how good sam is at reading lips there are always going to be things he could miss and it just seems fair for grizz to at least make an effort.

he’s only confident in a few phrases, but he’s hoping for now that’ll at least be enough to show sam that he’s trying. because he wants to try, he wants to let sam know that he’s trying. even if they don’t end up dating, or whatever, he doesn’t even want to think that far ahead but even if they _don’t_ he still wants to have sam in his life. as a friend or something more, or whatever. he wants him there.

they’ve been texting periodically for the past few weeks about whatever comes to mind. classes, their homework, their favorite movies. they complain about professors and how much easier high school was. sometimes, when grizz is getting extra ambitious they trade sly compliments and risky flirting and it’s _nice_.

grizz forgot how good it felt to just have someone to talk to. he’s been avoiding all the calls and texts from everyone back home (barring allie, because she’s too stubborn to ignore) and he’s missed just having a person there to unload all his dumb thoughts on.

they’re supposed to be meeting for coffee in an hour and grizz is early, of course. honestly though he thinks he made good time, especially considering he got ready two hours ago. he had to walk around the block a few times just so he didn’t feel incredibly ridiculous. but here he is, sitting in the same spot they met at a week ago with his leg bouncing up and down so furiously it’s practically shaking the table.

he’s nervous, but the good kind of nervous that makes him feel alive and real and here.

when sam walks in he almost jumps out of his seat and immediately waves him over. god, he looks cute. has he always looked this cute? sam is grinning from ear to ear and grizz can’t help but grin too, smiling so wide his face starts to hurt but he doesn’t care.

as soon as sam sits down, and before he can say anything grizz holds up a finger to tell sam to hold on for a second. he has to do it now before he loses the fragile confidence he’d managed to build up over the past few days.

slowly he starts to sign what he hopes to god is right, “i’m happy we’re hanging out,” his eyebrows furrow in concentration and for a second he completely forgets the sign for ‘practice’, but after saying “fuck” under his breath and focusing he thinks he’s got it. “i’ve been practicing ASL. do you like it?”

before sam says anything he starts to laugh, and grizz can feel his face on fire, “shit. did i do it wrong?”

“no, it was really good!” this time sam signs while he speaks, and grizz can actually understand at least one of those words but he can’t revel in his victory yet, “you just signed ‘hang out’ wrong,” sam leans over a little bit and molds his hands into the right shape for ‘hang out’ and corrects grizz’s movement. “this is ‘hang out’, you signed ‘circumcision’”

his hands linger for a moment longer than they needed to and grizz can actually and physically feel the blush in his cheeks. all he can think about is how warm sams hands are, how nice they feel on top of his own. for a moment he considers signing every word wrong just to give sam an excuse to touch him again.

when sam pulls away and grizz can actually form cognitive thoughts again he sighs, “well, fuck.” grizz’s tone doesn’t at all match the smile that’s plastered on his face right now, “i was trying to impress you.”

“you don’t have to learn sign for me, i can read lips.” the smile on sams face doesn’t really match his tone either. they’re both a bunch of grinning idiots.

“yeah, but i want to. i want to be able to talk to you in your language.” and there it is, grizz laying it all out on the table. if that’s not obvious, he doesn’t know what is. but for some reason it was easy to be so blatant about his intentions. sam made it feel easy.

and in response all sam can do is say “oh.” as if it finally clicked for him, that grizz was serious about this.

“um, do you want anything? coffee, a scone, whatever. i’ll get it, my treat.” grizz is standing up as he says, letting sam know he’s not really gonna take no for an answer. sam doesn’t even really try to argue, instead he tells grizz his coffee order and smiles expectantly.

grizz is making a mental note to commit that order to memory. an iced vanilla coffee with an extra shot of vanilla and creamer. it’s simple, and sweet. like sam.

the rest of the date (can he call it a date?) feels like bliss. and talking to sam is easy, the conversation flows from topic to topic and even when they have nothing else to say they just sit there in comfortable silence. it’s not awkward or stilted, it’s just nice. being near him, being with him. it feels right.

grizz offers to walk sam back to his dorm, but he has to get to class so instead he settles for walking him back to campus. they walk so closely that their hands almost brush and if grizz hadn’t expended all his confidence on sign language he might have closed the gap to slide his hand into sams and let their fingers intertwine.

but for now he’ll settle for their fingers almost touching, and the promise of seeing each other soon.


End file.
